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I bought a car tonight.

I had gone to CarMax and looked at several, and to a Saturn dealer to look at the Vue (my Mom had found one in a private sale). I decided, after looking around at what was available, to go with what I know. So, I bought a 2007 Dodge Grand Caravan.

I has lots of cool features my old van didnapos;t have, like dual POWER sliding rear doors, zoned temperature control, and fold and go seats in the middle and rear.

Other than that, itapos;s like Iapos;m driving the same car. Still, Iapos;m very pleased. No, it doesnapos;t get the best gas mileage, but I can go on a road trip with the whole family, including the dog, and we can bring everything we need.

Thanks, Mom

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I think if i have to "take care of" another anorexic patient iapos;m going to fall apart, i feel so hysterical right now, I need to keep myself together so i can finish this semester, I just want to crawl in a hole and starve, but i canapos;t. I wish i could be inspired by all these expierences to push me to fully recover, but it makes me miss being that sick. When she was telling me her experiences i wanted to just hug her and tell her I know exactly how it feels and then be able tell her there is such a beautiful future for her, She wants to get healthy and go to school as an RN too.. But iapos;m not healthy yet, I donapos;t think that "voice" will ever go away..i will always think that i only look beautiful at 90 pounds, and will struggle to make myself want to stay over 100

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�Hey, well my grandma called me last night needing my help with my grandpa this weekend. So, Jordan and I are headed to Lonoke this evening to stay for the weekend. I had to go back out to moms today to feed the animals so they would be ok untill Sunday when I�could get back out there to feed them.

Jordan did really good last night at the football game. I was really proud of him. It brought back a lot of memories of when I was in band at school. It did however make for a very long night. I didnapos;t want to get up today I�was so tired.

Tonight is suppose to be Jordanapos;s 8th grade dance. AWWWw but heapos;s not going. Silly boy. This next week is school pictures and parent teacher confrences.

Well thats about all I�know. It will be Sunday before I am back on here to journal. So,�I will see you then.

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Manhunterapos;s supposedly being canceled again. #38 is rumored to be the final issue. Iapos;m not going to believe it until I hear an official statement from DC but considering the book hasnapos;t been selling well, I wouldnapos;t be surprised. Itapos;s sad too because even with its low sales, itapos;s possibly one of the best books out there. ;_; Even though Iapos;m hoping beyond hope that this rumor isnapos;t true, Iapos;m not holding my breath.

Iapos;m hoping that if itapos;s true, fans will drown DC in letters again and itapos;ll be saved. But I doubt the book will be saved this time. ;_; Gonna try though.

So please guys, if youapos;ve never read Manhunter pick up the first trade (the first 3 trades are completed story arcs so you wonapos;t be left hanging if it is canceled). If youapos;ve been buying this book religiously already, write a letter to DC. There just arenapos;t enough well written strong female characters in comics.

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Iapos;m currently on 53 hours worked this week, this after an a particularly nasty bout o illness last week that I mostly had to work through. Iapos;ve seen Bee for all of twenty minutes since Sunday and the only reason Iapos;ve seen more of Juliette is that she gets up earlier in the morning to go to nursery, nut if Iapos;ve spent an hour with her then itapos;s no more than that.

Next week is looking no better. I have people screaming for responses, many of which require significan work, Iapos;m. Reaming all sorts of internal commitments and people are still trying to add new, urgent work to my pile. Iapos;m fighting hard to keep some semblance of a sense of humour but failing fast; sooner or later Iapos;m going to lose my temper with someone and whoever it is will be the wrong person since no one person - other than, perhaps, my boss, since weapos;re under-resourced - is responsible for this. Iapos;m continually furious and every time anyone asks me for anything, no matter how innocuous, I have to pause for a moment and collect myself. I had to re-write several times this morning an e-mail to an idiot who was trying to insist on the legal departmentapos;s supposed 5-day SLA. Since his e-mail was short, sarcastic and copies multiple people, my first response was only two words long and subsequent attempts were ... Confrontational. I was happy with the final version but ...

This is just too bloody hard. Iapos;m going to either swing for someone or quit, I canapos;t cope with the continual anger.
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Iapos;ve decided on a tattoo

Iapos;m going to embellish the one I already have. Itapos;s going to be a Peruvian lily, which are my favorite flowers and that symbolize friendship and steadfastness and Iapos;m going to have it designed by my very best friend. Itapos;s going to be in color, probably purple/yellowish orange with the stem being a staff that curls around the text of my Ars Nova tattoo. And Iapos;m going to do it in 3 weeks when I go to Boston to visit her Or atleast Iapos;ll get the outline done there, and I might get the color done here in Tampa by Mike Parsons, cause his color work is AMAZING. Especially with the staff/stem, that is going to take a LONG time to do.

Part of me really wants us to get them matching, but thatapos;s totally her call and I donapos;t even want to bring it up because sheapos;s a smart girl and sheapos;ll think of the idea on her own. If she wants to get the tattoo as well, she will. Iapos;m not going to make her feel awkward by making her say she doesnapos;t want to if she doesnapos;t. This is on your body forever, no one should pressure you to get something, even your best friend Itapos;s enough that the flower symbolizes our friendship, and that sheapos;s going to design it for me.

Iapos;m SO excited
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The traffic was unbelievably horrible, I have no words for it. Weapos;ve been on the road for 12 hours, and two of it was in Chicago, which, by the way, should be renamed Chicastop.

Corey and I tried not to kill each other, but it has really been a long day Iapos;m hoping all the cool stuff at the show tomorrow will make up for it. Right now Iapos;m waiting for pizza and playing with the new laptop, while Corey is sitting next to me playing games on his new PSP. How weird is that? Itapos;s okay though, because we will definitely be getting some use out of this fluffy king size bed this weekend, he just doesnapos;t know it yet ;-)
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So Iapos;m on the computer at work Iapos;m trying to check hotmail so I start typing it and I see a dodgy web site in the history.� I knew what it was, and part of me wanted to assume it was nothing really.� I donapos;t even know why I did this but I typed girls in and sure enough there was other sites listed too.� Itapos;s not that Iapos;m shocked to have found it, its just disturbing to me because I donapos;t want to know, I donapos;t want to be connected to that part of his life.� It just reminds me of all the times he was sitting in that chair watching it while I was home and how Iapos;d always have a hard time leaving my room because I feared he was in that chair.� Itapos;s definitey shook me up a bit.� I find it difficult to cope with, I find everything difficult to cope with which is why Iapos;m so dysfunctional I suppose.� It definitely upsets me, I guess these days it doesnapos;t take much at all though.� Guess Iapos;m just realy fragile.� All the better that Iapos;m going to try and buy a house, because its what I need.� I need more distance, I need to be living elsewhere.� So thatapos;ll be good for me, maybe as not as good that Iapos;ll be alone.� I mean I intend to get a 2 or 3 bedroom place so I can always rent the room out like if Jen ever feels like she wants to move then its there, but Iapos;ll leave as soon as I basically can.� Iapos;m really looking forward to that certain type of privacy and independence that I canapos;t have here.
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Iapos;m so disappointed in everything.. Sometimes i wonder why am i even here. Whats my life all about? What do i live for? Why am i here?
Donapos;t know why am i feeling this way. Iapos;ll cheer up soon but just not now.

Anw, i went to the hospital for my blood test yesterday. Requested for a baby needle again. I was damn scared as usual, i had to draw 2 tubes of blood this time. O.o yup, i was shock when the nurse showed me 2 tubes.

Nurse: Just 2 small tubes of blood. Donapos;t be afraid.
I looked at the tubes and thought if she was crazy? Cos the tubes look gigantic to me..
Me: How long will it take???
I was alr v nervous and jittery at that moment. Kept fidgeting nervously.
Nurse rubbed some alcohol thing on my arm and said "Not long", ready to poke needle in.
I stopped her just before she could poke the needle in..
Me: Give me another 10 secs plsssss
Then i started to cry..
Nurse: Are you afraid of the needles or are you afraid of the pain? -smiled gently-
Me: both i guess? you can poke me now..
Then i felt the needle going in and i started to sob louder. I covered my face with my jacket so that my tears could be soaked up and my sobs muffled.
After forever..
Me: Is it done yet?
Nurse: Another 2 minutes.
Me: Soooo looong?
Nurse: 2 seconds more. Ok done.
She pulls needle out and continued to chat.
I donapos;t really remember what the conversation was from here on. I was just glad that the needle was out.
Nurse: I was expecting you to scream..
I laughed and teared at the same time.
Me: Im a v quiet person.

brrrrr, i hate needles My next appointment will be next week. Grrrr. 2 trips to the hospital every month. -.-
Such a waste of time.


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